It happened during summer time that I was attending daily evening masses. On one of such occasions, I noticed this young boy who was sitting close to the priest on the altar (he was a mass server) gazing at me with a smile on his face. I felt really uneasy and did overlook it and thought maybe it was my mind playing tricks on me.
Days later, mass had just ended and I was taking a walk home when this same boy; who had a very innocent face walked up to me with a very charming smile and introduced himself to me as Brian. Looking at him he was about few years older than I am. I was in a great mood so I said hello to him as well. After exchanging pleasantries, he offered to accompany me home and I declined but he insisted so I let him.
During the walk home, he asked what class I was in and what I wanted to become in the future. He talked greatly about himself; his first JAMB score and how he passionately wants to be a Surgeon. I was wowed at his intelligence and maturity. He seemed really smart and what started off as two strangers without a sense of direction strolling home, soon developed into something intense just from this meeting.
Days turned into weeks and weeks to months and our friendship waxed stronger. During this time, he travelled to a different State to write his Jamb and he wrote me series of letters some of which I still have till date. In these letters, he talked about how he valued our friendship and how he missed me and couldn’t wait to share some big news with me when he returned.
About two months later he returned and I was really excited to see him. He got me gifts, my first roses and cards and he eagerly told me how long he’s kept this, that he’s in love with me and would want me to be his girl. He was so sweet and kind, and I was so blown away. You can guess I was very happy and said yes; who would refuse such a gentleman? You would think he was the perfect man and this was the beginning of something beautiful but hey you thought wrong, this day was the beginning of my woes.
So now we were officially in a relationship and Brian kept inviting me to his house and he went on about how his family couldn’t wait to meet me. Wait ! I was barely 16 what will I tell my parents? I wouldn’t dare mention Brian to my parents or any of my sibling so I kept avoiding him and didn’t show up for his invitation. The only place we met was in church and my study group; he was one of the tutors.
We kinda started growing apart because he kept on bringing the visitation issue and I always avoided the topic and as a result I started to avoid him. This opened my eyes to his flirting and amorous ways. He started hanging around with some girls and would pass me without even a hello. I will feel really bad and cry myself to sleep on those days. One day, one of these girls he frequently hangs around with walked up to me and told me that Brian was her man and that I should leave him or else she was going to deal with me. Ah small girl like me already having man troubles? She looked like a bully and I knew she meant every word. I was scared to death and couldn’t wait to see Brian so I can confront him. I didn’t say a thing to this girl but I was deeply upset.
When I finally saw Brian I confronted him and he apologize for her behavior and said that she was a jealous and clingy ex he also added that because I couldn’t be there for him and make him feel like a man so this happened. I couldn’t even read between the lines, but do you blame me? I was young and naive and nothing had prepared me for anything like this. My parents were majorly concerned about my studies and how I should make them proud and no single talks about boys except when they’ll say I could get pregnant by just talking to a boy.
We did make up and in the spirit of the reunion we fixed an appointment for after church. It was our date day and I had gone out to take a pee in a nearby bush path when I noticed someone walking stealthily up to me I was scared at first but when I looked out and saw it was a familiar face all fears disappeared. I felt safe but this would soon disappear in minutes. Before I knew what was happening he came closer and told me I looked so beautiful and started caressing me. I was scared and I told him to stop but he kept on touching me in different places and even if I had screamed nobody will hear me so I was doomed anyway, so I resorted to pleading to his reasoning. Instead of this to calm him down he became forceful and violent and we struggled for a while; he overpowered me, pushed me down and had his way. When he was finished he stood up and immediately went on his knees begging that he didn’t mean to hurt me and that I should forgive him because it was the devil.
It took awhile for me to wrap my head around what just happened to me. Oh my God I’ve been raped by someone I loved with all my heart. I was so heartbroken and couldn’t eat or talk to anyone for days. My parents were out of town and when my siblings who noticed my silence asked what was wrong I told them I was sick.
It’s been ages now and it was a very difficult thing to do but I choose to forgive him but I will never forget that day; the day that my life changed forever.
PS:
This is for every female out there who had been sexually molested and raped. For the voiceless, for those who live with the perpetrators of this act. You have the power within you. You can choose to speak up and stop the silence culture.
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